marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
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