you're like a bully in the Christmas story
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
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