I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
love makes seman taste better
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
Randomize
