one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize