Only a mothe r could love this liver
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
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