We're like a lot better than the average bears
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
Randomize
