someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
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