I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
Randomize
