Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
Randomize
