I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
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