i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize