The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize
