I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
Randomize
