I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
Randomize
