Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Randomize
