Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
Kareoke will never be a sober sport
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
I came so hard my ears popped.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
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