Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
