So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Randomize
