Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
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