Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
Randomize
