She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
