god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
Randomize
