Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
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