he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
