the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
Randomize
