who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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