the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize