is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
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