if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
Randomize
