Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
