I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Randomize
