Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Randomize
