Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
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