apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Randomize