o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
my being single is dangerous.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Randomize
