He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Randomize
