Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
