areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Randomize
