i don't want you to think of me as your TA
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Randomize
