Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
