the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
my god I love twenty year old dicks
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
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