i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
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