he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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