I want to make a zoo with you.
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
Vodka?
Forever.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
Randomize
