I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
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