It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
You took a bar mat shot.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
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