I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
Randomize
