I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
another moral hangover. fuck.
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
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