my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
