R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
Randomize
