so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
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