I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
Randomize
