I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
Randomize
