Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
Randomize
