Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
Randomize
