So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize