I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
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