your thong is hanging out like whoa
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
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