I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
