I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
Randomize
