I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
Randomize
