Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
found the other keg... it's in the tree
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
Randomize
