so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Randomize
