champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
Randomize