Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
Randomize
