just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
Randomize
