why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
Let's paint friendship bongs
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
