so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
Randomize
