im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
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