The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
My breasts were aching with rage.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
Randomize
