Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
