he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
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