I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
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