drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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