I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
You were trust falling into bushes
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
Randomize