I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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