I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
