dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
