this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
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