how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
