so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
Randomize
