You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
Randomize
