I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
He did a backflip because drugs
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
Randomize
