Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Randomize
