Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
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