my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
Randomize
