We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
Randomize
