I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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