your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
Randomize
